


you're all i ever wanted (i think i'll regret this)

by problematiclesbian



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - No Powers, Angst, F/F, a n g s t, like a lot of angst.... ladies you've been warned
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-10-05
Updated: 2018-10-05
Packaged: 2019-07-14 10:51:08
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,337
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16038980
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/problematiclesbian/pseuds/problematiclesbian
Summary: She hates it, she hates that she’s a bad person, but not bad enough to just kiss Kara and strip her down and fuck her without feeling guilty for tainting the one pure thing in her life. She hates her family for making her this way, hates herself for letting their hate turn her hard and cruel, instead of strong and kind like Kara. She is so full of hate, she is drowning in it- only around Kara does she feel like she can breathe.





	you're all i ever wanted (i think i'll regret this)

**Author's Note:**

> ladies it's all angst and drama! in this house we love unnecessary dramatics! everyone bout to be real fucked up!! and by that I mean: I'm about to project one part of each of my many psychological issues onto the characters!  
>  ******PSA****** the author of this work is a huge advocate for therapy and working through your problems in a healthy way! but this is a work of fiction! remember that!!!

 

* * *

 

She’s being ignored.

There’s really no other way to put it. 

It’s a Luthor party, technically. Lillian thought it would bring them some good publicity, after whatever scandal Lex had caused the week before. The room is flooded with politicians and scientists and journalists, all of National City’s best and brightest. And Lena. 

And while the room is loud with the chatter of conversation, no one will speak to her. 

It might almost be impressive, the way the crowd is able to avoid her, to jerk away from any conversation, to scurry to another part of the room as soon as they make eye contact.

After two hours of this, she snags a glass of champagne from the nearest waiter and marches briskly out of the room, away from everyone’s averted eyes and her mother’s open amusement. 

Lena storms into the bathroom, pushing open the door and right away accidently dumping her glass of champagne on the girl on the other side.

“Shit.” Lena drops her glass on the counter and grabs a handful of paper towels. “Fuck, it really has been that kind of night.” She reaches towards the woman, intending to sop up the champagne from her blazer, when the woman immediately recoils back.

Lena freezes, her eyes flicking from the woman’s expression to the paper towels in her own hands. She lets out a strangled laugh.

“Jesus, Joseph and Mary.” Lena throws the paper towels down, spinning to face the mirror. “Of course. Don’t let Lena Luthor touch you, right? She’s that fucking horrible, she’s-”

The startled woman makes a noise of protest in the middle of Lena’s rant, and Lena spins back around, pointing menacingly.

“Don’t!” Lena is proud of the way her voice stays steady, no tears in her eyes. “That’s what they’re thinking, you don’t have to say it. That Luthor Girl, they call me. No one will even talk to me out there. They act like I’m goddamn nothing. Worse than nothing!” 

Running out of momentum on her rant, Lena presses her hands to her eyes till she sees static. “Fuck. Just. Fuck.” She slides down the sink, landing on the floor, her back against the cold pipes. 

She hears, rather than sees, the other woman sit down on the tile next to her, carefully leaving space between them. 

“So.. I take it you’re Lena Luthor?”

Lena manages a little huff, still covering her eyes. “Yes, yeah. That’s me.”

“Nice to meet you. I’m Kara.”

“I know who you are.” Lena pulls her hands away to glare. “You’re Kara Danvers. Golden girl, sports star.” 

At Kara’s startled look, she gives a wry half smile. “You’re more popular than you know, Miss Danvers.” 

Kara gives her a crooked grin. “Okay.. well..I’m kind of fucked up.” 

Lena is only slightly thrown by this non sequitur. 

“Sorry, I mean, I’m over-sharing, but I just mean.. I have sensory issues. Being touched... That kind of thing. It’s not you. It’s not your fault. I’m not afraid of you, I mean.” She rushes her sentences out so fast Lena barely catches them. 

“I didn’t ask.” 

At Kara’s flinch, Lena softens, lets some of the immense relief she feels leak into her tone, just a little. “But thank you. For telling me. And, sorry.” She tacks on gruffly.

Kara looks up at that. Lena inclines her head slightly. “For snapping at you. And the champagne. And basically everything since I entered this bathroom.”

Kara smiles at Lena’s shrug. “To be fair, it seems like you’ve been having a rough night.”

“I’m kind of this bitchy no matter what.” Does she always sound this self-deprecating? Lena hadn’t realized. 

Kara smiles at Lena, her eyes crinkling, as if they’re sharing a private joke. Lena is infuriated. Mostly because she has the inexplicable urge to smile back, and that just won’t do. 

“What are you even doing here?” She asks, because the comfortable silence is making her twitchy.   

“I like to show up to parties in the hopes someone will yell at me in the bathroom.” Kara says with an entirely straight face. 

“I didn’t  _ yell _ .” Lena corrects. “I didn’t even raise my voice.”

“Mmm.” Kara tilts her head thoughtfully. “You used a tone.”

“Well, it’s a very effective tone. In a boardroom, anyway.” 

“Oh god. Are you a business major?”

Even though it’s clear Kara is teasing, Lena shoots her a nasty glare, the effect of which is ruined by her smeared mascara and the fact that they’re both slumped on a bathroom floor. “Of course I’m a business major. I’m a Luthor. Now, let me guess. You’re in… Gender Studies? Film? Some other useless humanities major?” 

“Why does being a Luthor mean you have to be a business major?” 

“Hmm, you’re avoiding the question. Was I right? Which is it? Psychology? Or… don’t tell me….” Lena clutches at her figurative pearls in horror. “....An english major?” 

Kara huffs, pushing her glasses up her nose. “There’s nothing wrong with a degree in the humanities!”

Lena looks at her expectantly. 

“..... If you must know, I’m a Studio Art and Journalism double major. And both are very useful degrees, thank you very much.” 

Lena nods along sagely. “If you’re not there to report on the newest starving artist, then who?” 

“Just for that, I’m not inviting you to my next exhibition.” 

“Oh no,  _ what _ a tragedy.” But Lena is surprised to realize she actually does feel a pang of disappointment, as if she’d actually  _ want _ to go to some college art show, just to see this girl. She’s further troubled when she realizes that she’s smiling, and that Kara is smiling too, even though Lena has technically been insulting her, as if Kara is just enjoying making Lena smile. It sort of makes Lena feel physically ill.

She also doesn’t really know what to say next. If this was a press conference or a tense Luthor dinner, it would be easy, but casual conversation with “friends” is not something Lena has had much practice with. Her palms are starting to sweat. 

Luckily, Kara does not seem to have similar fears. She continues a steady stream of conversation, pausing to listen intently when Lena decides to contribute, but equally okay with rambling on about her friends and her many extracurricular while Lena listens. 

They stay in the bathroom for hours- a few girls try to barge in at one point and Lena only has to give one look for all future visitors to get the message that the bathroom is occupied- and they only leave when a majority of the party has already left and it’s quiet enough that Kara can stand it. When they part ways at the back door of the hotel, Lena hesitates. She isn’t really a hugger anyway, but she also doesn’t want to intrude on Kara’s space. 

But Kara just grins, taking Lena’s hand (and Lena  _ doesn’t _ blush. She  _ doesn’t. _ ) and flipping her wrist up so Kara can scrawl her phone number onto Lena’s skin. She makes Lena promise to text her, and then she’s gone, leaving Lena and the faint hint of her perfume in her wake. 

Only once Lena gets home that night, after the berating from Lillian and the quiet disapproval from Lionel and the noticeable absence of Lex, in the dark of her room, does she let herself look down at her wrist and replay the night over and over in her head.

_ I like being alone. _ Lena repeats to herself.  _ I don’t need anyone. _ Least of all, Kara Danvers, who had been so sweet and completely undeserving of Lena dragging her down. 

So Lena sticks her hand in the sink and she rubs her arm furiously, scrubbing until her skin is red and raw and there’s no trace of Kara’s number. She promises herself that she’ll forget all about it. But she can’t get rid of the feeling, the memory of Kara’s slender fingers wrapped around her wrist. 

* * *

And that’s that. The next week, Lex is in the papers again for his latest misconduct, and Lena spends every moment she’s not in class arguing on the phone with her mother, or making statements to the press, or making her father think the latest business idea she had is really his idea. So there’s no time to think about some blonde girl she’d met in the bathroom. And Lena doesn’t think about her. At all. Really.

But then one night, Sam Arias bursts into her room, tipsy, and Lena remembers to smile, but not to smile  _ too _ much, not to reveal how grateful she is to speak to someone that isn’t a business partner or an enemy. And Sam goes on and on about some med student in her class, Amy or Alice or something, and would Lena come along to this party with her, just in case? And Lena complains, and puts up a fight, but twenty minutes later she’s pulling on her heels and following Sam and her victorious smile out the door. 

Of course, after what feels like five minutes later, Sam disappears down the hall, hand in hand with Ashley or Abby or whatever her name is, and Lena’s left alone at the party, sipping diet coke from a red cup and reclined against a wall. 

She’s startled out of her self pity from watching everyone walk around her, giving the Luthor a wide berth of space, when someone stumbles into her. 

She’s surprised to see Kara Danvers again, especially given how unsettled Kara had been at the Luthor’s party. But Lena looks a little closer and then she understands how the blonde is handling it- Kara is exceptionally drunk.

“Kara Danvers.” She states flatly, to emphasis how unexcited she is to see Kara (she's not happy about it. She's _not_.), and yet still Kara smiles at her like grumpy, unfriendly Lena is the highlight of her day. 

“Lena!” Kara leans even closer to be heard above the noise and Lena feels herself flush with heat suddenly, and she has to bite down the urge to smile back. “It’s so good to see you!” 

Lena lets out a snort. “I think you’re the first person to ever say that.”

Kara shrugs, unrepentant and unbothered by Lena’s prickly attitude. “Then they just don’t know what they’re missing.”

“Oh?” Lena raises an eyebrow. Kara is just too easy. “And what is it that they’re missing, exactly?”

Kara blushes instantly, just like Lena knew she would, and starts to mumbles something into her cup. She’s saved from needing to reply by a gaggle of other soccer players who descend upon Kara like a swarm of locusts. Kara frowns, tries to say something to Lena as she’s dragged away, but Lena just gives her a tight smile and slides past the group, making her way outside. 

She’s calling the number reflexively, already pressing the phone to her ear as she steps off the porch. 

“Lex? I need to get out of here.”

Her brother may not be good for much, anymore, but he knows what Lena needs when she’s down. And he knows how to get it for her.  

* * *

 

The following Wednesday, at like 2am, Lena opens her door only after someone rings the doorbell so many times she can no longer ignore it. 

On her doorstep is Kara Danvers. 

Lena leans against the doorframe and assesses the situation. 

“We have to stop meeting like this.” 

“Like what?”

“Like you being so drunk you can’t stand up.” 

Kara laughs, her head falling back so Lena can admire the smooth lines of her throat. “It’s easier when I’m drunk.”

“What’s easier?”

“Being.”

Lena blinks, filing that sentence away. “How did you find out where I live?”

“Oh, Sam gave me your address!” 

Lena opens her door wider, sighing as Kara ambles past her and into the room. This is what she gets for trying to make friends. Now Sam is giving out her address to any blonde that comes along, apparently. 

At Lena’s look of disapproval, Kara continues, waving her hands about as if that helps her explanation: “Sam. Your friend. The one who’s fucking my sister!” 

Lena isn’t sure what she’s more surprised at: that Kara Danvers can swear or that the girl Sam is infatuated with is somehow related to Kara. She settles for raising an eyebrow. “Your sister is the hot doctor, Amanda?”

Kara glares up at Lena from the couch that she’s now sprawled across. “Her name is Alex. You think she’s hot?”

“No, Sam thinks she’s hot.” Lena corrects as she fills an old coffee mug with water for Kara. She places it on the table in front of Kara, careful not to touch her. 

Kara looks thoughtful. “Huh. We all thought you and Sam were sleeping together.”

Now Lena raises both eyebrows. “ _ We _ ?”

“You know,” Kara is more invested in figuring out Lena’s TV remote than answering her question. “My friends. The people I live with. Do you have the cooking channel on here?”

Lena snatches the remote out of Kara’s hand, ignoring her pout. “Kara. Focus. Why are you in my home?”

“I told you, because my sister has the room next to mine and she was having sex with Sam and they were so loud with their-”

“That’s why you’re not  _ there _ . Why are you  _ here _ ?”

Kara frowns. “Do you not want me here?”

Lena maintains her glare for four more seconds before she relents, dropping onto the couch next to Kara. She hands her back the remote. 

“Of course I have the cooking channel. I have Food Network too. I’m a Luthor, for God’s sake.”

Lena absolutely does not smile at Kara’s squeal of delight, and she definitely doesn’t blush when Kara falls asleep on her twenty minutes later. And above all, she certainly doesn’t decide to spend the night on the couch, just to avoid waking Kara up. Lena would never do any of that. She’s a Luthor, for God’s sake.

But if she did, just this once? Nobody has to know. 

**Author's Note:**

> honestly, i wouldn't hold your breath for an update, i'm busy being depressed and all, but you can always try commenting and telling me to hurry the fuck up, or better yet, messaging me on tumblr  
> lenazor-el.tumblr.com or disastrouslesbian.tumblr.com


End file.
